Separate Spaces Can Other or Honor

When separate spaces are necessary and when they can cause harm

Recently, my high school daughter with Down syndrome attended a separate “special needs” prom. This prom took place at her school during the school day and was organized by students without disabilities for the students with disabilities in the life skills program. I found this separate prom to be very problematic (more on that here).

Here’s the thing: I am not opposed to separate spaces for my children with disabilities. I would be misguided as a mother and misleading as a disability advocate and ally to believe and say that disabled people should never be in separate spaces, or that my children with Down syndrome should never be in separate spaces. I believe separate spaces are important for the care and well-being of minority groups, as well as for people experiencing specific situations.

For example, as a mother to children with Down syndrome, I create separate spaces for other mothers of children with Down syndrome. I also gather in separate spaces with other adoptive moms or women who have experienced infertility. Earlier this school year, my 13-year-old daughter, who is among the 6% of Black students at her school, started a Black Student Union. The history of Black Student Unions is one of promoting positive representation of the Black/African American community. For my daughter, it has been a separate space for her to be around those who share a similar minority experience at school. This separate space, both now and historically, has honored Black/African American students.

These kinds of separate spaces, created for specific groups of people based on a commonality, can serve as a lifeline to building community, taking steps toward understanding oneself, and feeling less alone in one's circumstances. Separate support groups exist for those who have lost loved ones, are affected by addiction, or identify as LGBTQ+, just to name a few.

Separate spaces are necessary. However, they can become problematic and harmful when they are created by those outside the minority group without input from the intended beneficiaries. This issue arises particularly when the separate space or event ends up serving individuals for whom it was not originally intended. For example, something like a “special needs” prom can benefit non-disabled people by providing volunteer hours or accolades to add to a college application. Furthermore, the non-disabled volunteers often receive congratulations or esteem for participating in the separate program or event created for people with disabilities. Given the shameful history of disability in the United States, separate spaces created for people with disabilities can end up othering them, not honoring them.